


This Dream Isn’t Feeling Sweet

by Mellum



Series: Variant AU [1]
Category: Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types
Genre: Ahsoka Tano Needs a Hug, Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Angst, Aside from palpatine, Barriss Offee Needs a Hug, Childhood Trauma, Coping, F/F, Girlfriends - Freeform, Hurt/Comfort, Kinda, Late Night Conversations, Not Beta Read, One Shot, alternate universe - order 66 never happened, learning to cope, part of a series, talk of trauma
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-17
Updated: 2020-05-17
Packaged: 2021-03-02 17:54:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 895
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24240874
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mellum/pseuds/Mellum
Summary: It wasn’t rare for one to find the other awake in the middle of the night. So when Barriss finds Ahsoka staring out the window at almost 4 in the morning, she comforts her the best she can.A.k.a Barriss and Ahsoka have a small heart to heart about their upbringing
Relationships: Barriss Offee/Ahsoka Tano
Series: Variant AU [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1749676
Comments: 2
Kudos: 30





	This Dream Isn’t Feeling Sweet

**Author's Note:**

> Hi there! This one-shot is part of a series I’m starting called Variant, where Barriss didn’t commit the bombing (you’ll find out the culprit later), and order 66 never happened. This story takes place about two weeks after they left the Jedi order.   
> It’s been a while since I’ve been this motivated to work on a series, so I hope you enjoy!
> 
> (Title Fromm Ribs by Lorde)

It was hard to tell the time simply by looking out a window when you lived on the lower levels on Coruscant. It was strange to adjust to when you were used to living up top, or spending weeks to months travelling from planet to planet, seeing so many different skies. 

Ahsoka knew she should be asleep by now, cuddled up in bed with her love. But instead she sat, curled up on the coach that was situated near the window of the small living room. 

One thing that wasn't hard to adjust to was the small apartment they had moved into. Of course it couldn't compare to their quarters back at the temple, but the size was actually a bit bigger. The whole apartment consisted of three rooms, the main room that served as both a living room and kitchen, a bathroom, and a bedroom, as well as a small closet.

A small smile found it's way onto Ahsoka's face as she looked around the room. It's small and far from perfect, but it was theirs, and that was enough. Of course they hoped to one day live somewhere nicer, but neither of them could bring themselves to complain about a home that they could come home to everyday without fail. But the smile didn’t last long.

Glancing at the clock on the wall, she sighed. It was already passed 3 in the morning, but she couldn't bring herself to go back to bed. So instead she took a sip from her mug of tea and went back to gazing out the window. She watched as people walked by every so often. They weren't exactly in the nicest place, so it wasn't uncommon to see people pass at strange hours.

Neither Ahsoka nor Barriss were bothered much by it, they'd both been in far more dangerous places. She couldn't help but shudder at the thought. She tightened her grip on her mug, trying to stop her hands from shaking.

"Ahsoka?" Her eyes shot up and landed on Barriss. She was rubbing sleep out of her eyes as she exited the bedroom. Her hair was a mess, and Ahsoka couldn't help but notice how cute she looked. "Why are you up? It's almost 4."

She couldn't find the words to respond. She hadn't slept a wink yet that night, she dreaded the thought of going to sleep. Although she knew how illogical it was, part of her was scared that she'd fall asleep, only to wake up back at the temple, or worse, in a war zone. And on top of that, she just felt horrible, haunted by feelings that the masters at the temple would have told her to meditate away. But she couldn't. Because what she was feeling was caused by her life in the temple.

She felt like she didn't have a right to feel this way about her upbringing. She should feel nothing but grateful that she was raised in a better situation than so many people in the galaxy. But... she was thrown into a war at 14. A war that the Jedi should have never been involved in, at least not in the way they were.

"Ahsoka? Love, what's wrong?" Barriss was now deeply concerned, sensing her partners negative feelings through the force. She quickly made her way over to her. "I'm here for you."

She gently pried the mug from Ahsoka's hands when she noticed how badly she was shaking. Once it was safely placed on the coffee table, she wrapped her arms around the togruta.

They sat in silence for a little while. Barriss waiting patiently for Ahsoka to be ready to open up. 

"It's just... I, I know it doesn't make sense, but I feel like if I sleep... I'm gonna wake up at the temple, or in some war zone on another planet. A-And, I just, I have so many mixed thoughts about the upbringing we had in the temple. I feel so... ugh, I can't even put the feeling into words." Barriss stayed quiet, letting Ahsoka say what she needed to. "Sometimes I just wish... that I wasn't born into this life."

Barriss tightened her arms around Ahsoka, pulling her closer. They sat quietly for a few moments, taking in the comfort of each other's arms.

"Ahsoka, I know how you feel. Neither of us asked to be thrown into a war, no one in the temple did. But now, we're free. We'll work through this, we'll heal." Her words were comforting, soothing almost. Ahsoka was so grateful to have Barriss by her side, and she promised herself that she'd always be there to support her, the same way she supported her. "There's no council, no masters around to stop us from handling our emotions the way we want to, the way we need to. We don't have to follow the way we were raised."

Both girls now had tears in there eyes. As much as they loved everyone in the temple, they had been scarred by that life. Living on the outside had given them even more time to reevaluate their views on so many things.

It didn't take long for them to doze off, holding each other in their arms, whispering promises of love and protection to each other.

They'd heal, and they'd be there to support each other, no matter what.

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you enjoyed this small peak at the Variant AU! Please keep an eye out for the next addition!


End file.
